You Smell Delicious

This post has earned an N rating by the Destructors of this blog.

Hello again, people of Earth.

The following prank isn't too bad, but you might get a kick out of it regardless.

I don't know about you, but I have several vegetarian friends. While I certainly respect their opinions and decisions about not eating meat, I can't help that there are some ideas that sneak into my brain that would make them cringe.

This is one of the less cruel ideas from the many, many awful things that enter my head.

Thinkgeek.com is one of my favorite websites. I suppose I should say that we don't endorse thinkgeek.com or their products, but...I really do endorse them. It's all just so awesome.

Anywho.

Thinkgeek sells many products of brilliance. One of them: bacon soap.

That's right, my fellow pranksters. Bacon soap.

Now, let's say you have a vegetarian friend (or just someone who doesn't like bacon). Let's say they have pink soap. It's possible...there's a lot of pink soap out there in the world. You could even give them regular, floral-smelling pink soap before this, so they trust you.

Now, replace their pink soap with the Bacon Soap. Make sure they wouldn't be able to see the "bacon soap" printed in the bar....get that off first.

Obviously, it's probable that they'll realize that they smell like bacon before they get out of the shower. They'll be able to rinse the smell away. In that case, though, the damage has already been done. They've smelled the deliciousness of bacon, and they're now questioning their opinions about meat.

If they're in a hurry and somehow DON'T notice that they smell like bacon, just imagine them going up to their other vegetarian friends, realizing much too late that they smell like meat.

I think it would be funny.

Good luck!

-Jilliard

The Alarm Clock from Hell

This post has earned an I rating by the Destructors of this blog.

Hello again, everyone.

I think that, when it comes to various types of enemies, we all have someone who keeps us awake when we really, sincerely, truly want to be lying comfortably on our beds, dreaming of beautiful wonders that are basically never found in reality. Like a well-built, attractive man that isn't a pompous jerk, or who is at least attainable for someone like...um...whoever is dreaming at the time.

Sorry. Digressing here.

The point is, people wake us up when we do not want to be conscious. And after a while, we're sick of it. Let's see how they feel about it, shall we?

First things first. I did not come up with this idea by myself. This happened to one of my friends. I don't know how the original pranksters came up with this idea, but kudos to them. And, if it came from a book or something, I'm not trying to steal anything. There. There's my disclaimer.

Now, on to the good stuff!

What happend to my friend was a tad cruel, but rather brilliant. Let me tell you what happened to him...

It was late. Silence and darkness commanded the night. The occasional snore in the apartment was quickly stifled by the weight of oppressing black. Not even the tick, tock from the large ornamental clock on the wall was audible past the deadly quiet.

But unbeknownst to the sleeping occupants of the spacious apartment (and certainly the darkness did not detect it), an alarm clock sat silently, for now, in a vent. The alarm clock was not to blame for what was about to occur. It was simply biding its time (and it knew time better than most), as it had been programmed to. The mischievous young adult that had placed it there had a purpose, and the purpose made sense to the clock. These people, in this dark apartment, had been cruel to the mischievous person. And so, the young woman was using the alarm clock to be cruel back.

The clock was not offended. It knew its place and purpose in life. It was the alarm clock's job (and it took the occupation seriously) to interrupt the love affairs of the bedroom. Not all of those affairs were between people. Most of the time, the clock simply made people leave their beds. The clock had seen enough to know that human beings loved sleep more than anything else, except perhaps money. Then again, they used money to buy better, more comfortable beds. But none of that mattered to the clock, not really. And besides, it didn't have time to think it over.

Thirty more seconds, and the clock could start to ring. It waited, closed up in the vent where the inhabitants of the apartment would not find it for a very long time. Who thinks to look in a vent?

3...2...The alarm clock braced itself...1...and went off. It rang the loudest it ever had. The darkness and the silence that had been reigning in the apartment were both so shocked, they didn't have time to even try to fight the sudden exclamation of annoyed people who had, only seconds before, been asleep. Lights turned on, and noises increased as the seriously annoyed humans became more and more frustrated.

The clock didn't stop ringing. It had to finish its purpose. It was determined to stay ringing until someone hit snooze, or, depending on how frustrated they were, just broke the clock in half.

It didn't matter much to the alarm clock.

It rang as the people overturned pillows and cushions.

It persisted as the humans looked through the fridge.

It shrieked while the people tore through cupboards and pantries.

It called incessantly for over an hour, and finally, someone found it.

So much sleep had been lost by the humans, and tempers were so high, that the alarm felt it had succeeded in the mission entrusted to it by the prankster.

So obviously, the point is to hide an alarm clock in a very sneaky location within the vicinity of wherever your enemy will be sleeping. A vent is rather brilliant. Who thinks to check there? No one, I bet. But, a vent is not necessary. We don't all have time to unscrew vents, set and place an alarm clock inside, and re-attach the vent before someone notices.

I recommend setting the alarm for, say, three o'clock in the morning or so? Sometime that everyone will be asleep.

I hope that this idea will serve you well in your endeavors to irritate people!

-Jilliard

The photo used in this post was found at zedomax.com.

Butt Burner Laxative Brownies

This post has earned an X Rating by the Destructors of this blog.

It is time to reveal our first idea. This is the idea that started the Recipes for Disastrous Occasions blog. Not all of our ideas will actually be recipes. I expect that most of our posts will not be food.

You've all heard of laxative brownies. But have you also heard of Bayou Butt Burner Hot Sauce?

Yep. I bet you know EXACTLY what we're thinking here.

Awesomely, there are people who like spicy brownies. I am not one of them. So, hopefully I won't get pranked with this.

Here is a recipe for some Hot Brownies. Now, I have to make a disclaimer here: I am not a good cook unless I follow a recipe. The idea for Butt Burner Laxative Brownies is what is new here. In other words, this recipe is not mine. I found the recipe at seriouseats.com. The only things I'm changing here are to add laxatives, and use the Butt Burner hot sauce for the spice, instead of Tabasco or Texas Pete. Even if Butt Burner isn't the hottest thing out there, you just have to admit that it's a hilarious idea to combine Butt Burner hot sauce and laxatives in something delicious, and then give it to some unsuspecting jerk who deserves the hours about to be spent on the "porcelain god."

For the brownies:

• 7 tablespoons butter, plus extra for greasing the pan
• 3 tablespoons Dutch-processed cocoa powder, plus more for dusting
• 1/4 cup milk
• 1 tablespoon vinegar-based hot sauce, such as Tabasco or Texas Pete
• 6 ounces bittersweet or semisweet chocolate
• 1 ounce unsweetened chocolate
• 3/4 cup flour
• Pinch of salt
• 1/4 cup walnuts, chopped
• 1/4 cup bittersweet or semisweet chocolate chips
• 3 eggs
• 1-1/4 cups sugar

For the fudge sauce:

• 4-1/2 ounces chocolate, chopped
• 1/4 cup sugar
• 1 tablespoon honey
• 1 tablespoon hot sauce
• 1/4 cup plus 2 tablespoons heavy cream
• 2 tablespoons (1/4 stick) butter
• Pinch of salt
• Vanilla ice cream, to serve

Directions:

Preheat oven to 350. Butter a 9-inch square baking dish, and dust with cocoa powder. In a measuring cup, combine milk and hot sauce, and stir well. Set aside to sour. In a double boiler, melt butter and both chocolates; remove from heat. In large bowl, sift together flour, cocoa powder and salt. Combine flour mixture with walnuts and chocolate chips.

Using a mixer, beat together eggs and sugar until pale and fluffy, about 2 to 3 minutes. Pour reserved melted chocolate into the egg mixture, and mix until well incorporated. Slowly stream in the soured milk mixture. Gently stir in the flour mixture until just combined. Pour batter into the pan, and bake until a skewer inserted in the middle comes out clean, about 30 minutes.

Place chopped chocolate in a heatproof bowl. In a medium pot over medium-high heat, combine sugar, honey and hot sauce, and bring to a boil. Cook until mixture turns a dark amber color, about 1 to 2 minutes. Carefully whisk in cream. Then whisk in butter and salt until smooth. Remove from heat, and pour mixture over chocolate. Allow to sit 1 minute to melt; stir until smooth. Keep warm, or reheat gently over low heat. Drizzle sauce over brownie and ice cream to serve.

"Do"s and "Don't"s for this idea:

1. DO this to someone who has tried to make you consume awful stuff before.
2. DON'T give these to new neighbors as "welcome" gifts. Chances are, they haven't done anything to you (yet) that warrants this kind of experience.
3. DO give these to your new neighbors if you can pretend they came from someone else in the neighborhood who you really don't like. Example: attractive person moves in next door, and you leave Butt Burner Laxative Brownies on their doorstep, leaving a note that says it's really from the person that would be your competition in getting to know your new attractive neighbor. Just a suggestion...
4. DON'T go overboard with the hot sauce. They'll still be able to notice that it's too hot or something. Be more sneaky so your victim eats more and, therefore, suffers more when the laxatives catch up with them.
5. DO laugh hysterically when you realize they ate the whole pan.
6. DON'T deliver these to an enemy when there's a possibility that a friend would get them first. No need to stir up bad feelings that didn't exist before.
7. DO be careful about who you give this to. Technically, this could be totally illegal because you're slipping them a chemical. They probably won't charge you with anything, but you never know. Hence, be careful with this.
8. DON'T accidentally eat one. If you made the brownies right, you'll regret eating one later.
9. DO be careful about how much laxative you put in. Basically, be smart about it. Don't kill anyone by overdosing them on laxatives.
10. DON'T blame this blog if something goes wrong.

Laxative options include chocolate ex-lax, chopped-up prunes, and over-the-counter stuff. Don't do prescription though. Really.

Once again, good luck in your endeavors for revenge!

~Jilliard

About This Blog

Hello, people with enemies.

In other words, hello everyone.

We all have someone we'd REALLY like to upset or get back at for something (or in some cases, for someone) they did that has upset us considerably.

If you want to act on those urges to get back at someone, this blog right here is your sanctuary.

Welcome.

My goal in this blog is to provide you with ways to get back at your enemies in creative ways that, if you ever decide you like those people again, you can laugh about later. Or, if you will hate those people forever, you can just laugh at them and how you made them look like idiots.

Now, not everyone has the same amount of malice in them. That's where the rating system comes in. At the top of each post, I'll put a rating. Something like, "THIS COMEBACK IS RATED []". Here are the meanings of those ratings:

N: Not Serious. This is for people who are not serious about getting back at people, and are just trying to pull a fun prank for April Fool's Day or some such thing.

I: Irritating. These are more of the irksome, I-can't-believe-you-just-did-that-to-me-type pranks. They (hopefully) won't cause harm and probably won't infuriate your enemies, but they'll still be annoyed.

P: Your Enemies will be so Pissed. The posts rated P will piss off your enemies, but it won't do more damage than that. They'll be mad, but they (probably) couldn't successfully sue you for anything you did with these.

X: Exceptionally Nasty. These are the worst things you'll probably ever find on this blog, since you won't find a rated M (for Murder) on here...my apologies to anyone who wanted creative ways to spill blood. I have some creative ways, but I won't take credit for someone murdering someone, so I'm sorry. Stephen King, on the other hand, has provided ample examples of what you could do to kill someone. But anyway.

I hope the ratings will help you plan your revenge to the level of severity you desire. I wish you the best of luck in your vengeful endeavors.

Sincerely,

Jilliard