Wednesday, November 9, 2011

The Alarm Clock from Hell


This post has earned an I rating by the Destructors of this blog.

Hello again, everyone.

I think that, when it comes to various types of enemies, we all have someone who keeps us awake when we really, sincerely, truly want to be lying comfortably on our beds, dreaming of beautiful wonders that are basically never found in reality. Like a well-built, attractive man that isn't a pompous jerk, or who is at least attainable for someone like...um...whoever is dreaming at the time.

Sorry. Digressing here.

The point is, people wake us up when we do not want to be conscious. And after a while, we're sick of it. Let's see how they feel about it, shall we?

First things first. I did not come up with this idea by myself. This happened to one of my friends. I don't know how the original pranksters came up with this idea, but kudos to them. And, if it came from a book or something, I'm not trying to steal anything. There. There's my disclaimer.

Now, on to the good stuff!

What happend to my friend was a tad cruel, but rather brilliant. Let me tell you what happened to him...

It was late. Silence and darkness commanded the night. The occasional snore in the apartment was quickly stifled by the weight of oppressing black. Not even the tick, tock from the large ornamental clock on the wall was audible past the deadly quiet.
But unbeknownst to the sleeping occupants of the spacious apartment (and certainly the darkness did not detect it), an alarm clock sat silently, for now, in a vent. The alarm clock was not to blame for what was about to occur. It was simply biding its time (and it knew time better than most), as it had been programmed to. The mischievous young adult that had placed it there had a purpose, and the purpose made sense to the clock. These people, in this dark apartment, had been cruel to the mischievous person. And so, the young woman was using the alarm clock to be cruel back.
The clock was not offended. It knew its place and purpose in life. It was the alarm clock's job (and it took the occupation seriously) to interrupt the love affairs of the bedroom. Not all of those affairs were between people. Most of the time, the clock simply made people leave their beds. The clock had seen enough to know that human beings loved sleep more than anything else, except perhaps money. Then again, they used money to buy better, more comfortable beds. But none of that mattered to the clock, not really. And besides, it didn't have time to think it over.
Thirty more seconds, and the clock could start to ring. It waited, closed up in the vent where the inhabitants of the apartment would not find it for a very long time. Who thinks to look in a vent?
3...2...The alarm clock braced itself...1...and went off. It rang the loudest it ever had. The darkness and the silence that had been reigning in the apartment were both so shocked, they didn't have time to even try to fight the sudden exclamation of annoyed people who had, only seconds before, been asleep. Lights turned on, and noises increased as the seriously annoyed humans became more and more frustrated.
The clock didn't stop ringing. It had to finish its purpose. It was determined to stay ringing until someone hit snooze, or, depending on how frustrated they were, just broke the clock in half.
It didn't matter much to the alarm clock.
It rang as the people overturned pillows and cushions.
It persisted as the humans looked through the fridge.
It shrieked while the people tore through cupboards and pantries.
It called incessantly for over an hour, and finally, someone found it.
So much sleep had been lost by the humans, and tempers were so high, that the alarm felt it had succeeded in the mission entrusted to it by the prankster.

So obviously, the point is to hide an alarm clock in a very sneaky location within the vicinity of wherever your enemy will be sleeping. A vent is rather brilliant. Who thinks to check there? No one, I bet. But, a vent is not necessary. We don't all have time to unscrew vents, set and place an alarm clock inside, and re-attach the vent before someone notices.

I recommend setting the alarm for, say, three o'clock in the morning or so? Sometime that everyone will be asleep.

I hope that this idea will serve you well in your endeavors to irritate people!

-Jilliard

The photo used in this post was found at zedomax.com.

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