Tuesday, November 8, 2011

Butt Burner Laxative Brownies

This post has earned an X Rating by the Destructors of this blog.

It is time to reveal our first idea. This is the idea that started the Recipes for Disastrous Occasions blog. Not all of our ideas will actually be recipes. I expect that most of our posts will not be food.

You've all heard of laxative brownies. But have you also heard of Bayou Butt Burner Hot Sauce?

Yep. I bet you know EXACTLY what we're thinking here.

Awesomely, there are people who like spicy brownies. I am not one of them. So, hopefully I won't get pranked with this.

Here is a recipe for some Hot Brownies. Now, I have to make a disclaimer here: I am not a good cook unless I follow a recipe. The idea for Butt Burner Laxative Brownies is what is new here. In other words, this recipe is not mine. I found the recipe at seriouseats.com. The only things I'm changing here are to add laxatives, and use the Butt Burner hot sauce for the spice, instead of Tabasco or Texas Pete. Even if Butt Burner isn't the hottest thing out there, you just have to admit that it's a hilarious idea to combine Butt Burner hot sauce and laxatives in something delicious, and then give it to some unsuspecting jerk who deserves the hours about to be spent on the "porcelain god."

For the brownies:
  • 7 tablespoons butter, plus extra for greasing the pan
  • 3 tablespoons Dutch-processed cocoa powder, plus more for dusting
  • 1/4 cup milk
  • 1 tablespoon vinegar-based hot sauce, such as Tabasco or Texas Pete
  • 6 ounces bittersweet or semisweet chocolate
  • 1 ounce unsweetened chocolate
  • 3/4 cup flour
  • Pinch of salt
  • 1/4 cup walnuts, chopped
  • 1/4 cup bittersweet or semisweet chocolate chips
  • 3 eggs
  • 1-1/4 cups sugar
For the fudge sauce:
  • 4-1/2 ounces chocolate, chopped
  • 1/4 cup sugar
  • 1 tablespoon honey
  • 1 tablespoon hot sauce
  • 1/4 cup plus 2 tablespoons heavy cream
  • 2 tablespoons (1/4 stick) butter
  • Pinch of salt
  • Vanilla ice cream, to serve
Directions:
Preheat oven to 350. Butter a 9-inch square baking dish, and dust with cocoa powder. In a measuring cup, combine milk and hot sauce, and stir well. Set aside to sour. In a double boiler, melt butter and both chocolates; remove from heat. In large bowl, sift together flour, cocoa powder and salt. Combine flour mixture with walnuts and chocolate chips.
Using a mixer, beat together eggs and sugar until pale and fluffy, about 2 to 3 minutes. Pour reserved melted chocolate into the egg mixture, and mix until well incorporated. Slowly stream in the soured milk mixture. Gently stir in the flour mixture until just combined. Pour batter into the pan, and bake until a skewer inserted in the middle comes out clean, about 30 minutes.
Place chopped chocolate in a heatproof bowl. In a medium pot over medium-high heat, combine sugar, honey and hot sauce, and bring to a boil. Cook until mixture turns a dark amber color, about 1 to 2 minutes. Carefully whisk in cream. Then whisk in butter and salt until smooth. Remove from heat, and pour mixture over chocolate. Allow to sit 1 minute to melt; stir until smooth. Keep warm, or reheat gently over low heat. Drizzle sauce over brownie and ice cream to serve.

"Do"s and "Don't"s for this idea:
  1. DO this to someone who has tried to make you consume awful stuff before.
  2. DON'T give these to new neighbors as "welcome" gifts. Chances are, they haven't done anything to you (yet) that warrants this kind of experience.
  3. DO give these to your new neighbors if you can pretend they came from someone else in the neighborhood who you really don't like. Example: attractive person moves in next door, and you leave Butt Burner Laxative Brownies on their doorstep, leaving a note that says it's really from the person that would be your competition in getting to know your new attractive neighbor. Just a suggestion...
  4. DON'T go overboard with the hot sauce. They'll still be able to notice that it's too hot or something. Be more sneaky so your victim eats more and, therefore, suffers more when the laxatives catch up with them.
  5. DO laugh hysterically when you realize they ate the whole pan.
  6. DON'T deliver these to an enemy when there's a possibility that a friend would get them first. No need to stir up bad feelings that didn't exist before.
  7. DO be careful about who you give this to. Technically, this could be totally illegal because you're slipping them a chemical. They probably won't charge you with anything, but you never know. Hence, be careful with this.
  8. DON'T accidentally eat one. If you made the brownies right, you'll regret eating one later.
  9. DO be careful about how much laxative you put in. Basically, be smart about it. Don't kill anyone by overdosing them on laxatives.
  10. DON'T blame this blog if something goes wrong.

Laxative options include chocolate ex-lax, chopped-up prunes, and over-the-counter stuff. Don't do prescription though. Really.

Once again, good luck in your endeavors for revenge!

~Jilliard

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